Archive Page 2
Pet Peeve #4
When people (guys, especially) whine over the phone thinking that their endless moaning like a little 5-year old girl begging daddy to buy them their beloved toy would change my mind.
Case in point: Halfway through my sweet slumber this morning, a friend of mine called asking if I wanted to come down and have breakfast with him as he was downstairs of my house. I decline; he persists. “Reaaaaally? Are you seeeeerious? Reaaaaaally?” This goes on for about two to three minutes, until I raise my voice and firmly say no. He replies and angrily says fine, I hang up. For the love of god, if you’re 22 years old (and older than me), please refrain from talking like that. If you think it makes you sound cute, hoping that would soften my heart, it doesn’t.
Other examples include said friend calling in the middle of the night asking me to go out for a midnight snack with him – “come onnnn. you know you want itttt. pleaaaase. *sadface *sadface” and to keep him company while he shops near where I live. Ugh. He’s a great friend and all when he’s normal, but otherwise it’s like dealing with an annoying little brother. One who also likes to play with whatever interesting object you have that intrigues him, e.g. my bangles, which he tried on and snapped, but that’s a story for another time.
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Note to Self.
From The Intimate Adventures of a London Call Girl:
The benefits of sex with an ex:
- No chance of being shocked by what he looks like naked the first time.
- Not having to ask awkwardly for contact details after. If you don’t have them, it’s not by accident.
- He knows where your buttons are, how many there are, how long they need to be pressed and whether they should go side-to-side, up-and-down or in little circles.
And the drawbacks:
- There’s probably a good reason you’re not together any more, a very good reason.
- One of you will think this means the relationship is back on. (Sidenote: in my case, that “one” would probably be me.)
- There is absolutely no way you can tell any of your friends without coming off as the world’s biggest prat. After all, they had to live with you post break-up, right?
Filed under: The Ex, Unoriginal | Leave a Comment
Tags: Belle du Jour, breakup, ex-boyfriend, ex-sex
One Year.
No, it’s not a special anniversary of anything worth celebrating. On the contrary, it’s already been about a year since I first learned about Isahoe.
I remember hearing from a friend (who had a friend that always hung out in B’s dorm room because one of their friends – complicated, yes, I know – was B’s roommate) that there was this other girl in the picture. I spent that entire day putting on a brave face, trying not to show on my face that what I had just heard was probably the most devastating thing a girl could be told about her S/O. Went home, B wasn’t online, so I put it off til the next day.
The next afternoon, I remember acting really awkward when talking to B – he had no idea what I knew at the time. He started out by asking how my weekend was, I told him I went to the Sevens. Eventually I couldn’t hold it in and started crying. He asked me what was wrong, I hesitated.
“I heard something really disturbing yesterday..”
“Are you okay? What was it?”
“.. I heard that there’s this other girl.”
“.. I’m not seeing anyone else, but there’s this girl who likes me.”
He said he’d take a day to think about it, to think about who he’d choose. I cried myself through the night.
The next day, we officially broke things off to the claim that we were in a relationship that had already started deteriorating even before he left for university. And that he’d rather have an unsuccessful relationship with that girl than to hang onto a string for another 2 years. He also said shit like how he’s afraid of anything too serious, and that he couldn’t see us going anywhere.
Thinking back, he really was contradicting himself. Over winter break, he was telling me how he’s staying with Isahoe because he loves her, despite the fact that he hates her for being a loose whore (also reason why he cheated on her, because he wanted to get back at her). He threw out details like how she’s planning to marry him and takes care of him. Whatever. In retrospect, he made all sorts of excuses and lies just to rationalize his being with her and choosing her. Even though he hates her skanky persona.
I hope she gives him herpes, and that both their genitalia start to rot from their scandalous behavior. It’s his choice to choose a slut who brags about flinging open the curtains to the changing room just so people can admire her and generate “the response [she] was looking for” and puts herself on a broken pedestal, one she doesn’t deserve. Especially one whose eyes are too far apart, teeth have an overbite, and can only be described with the expression “hit with the ugly stick.” That’s the least that karma can do for me.
I hate how even though it’s already been a year, the slightest reminder of the emotions I felt during that day can still bring me to tears. It’s these days that I regret not taking advantage of B’s offer to let me slap him, saying that I could if it made me feel better. I wish the deadliest of curses upon those two scums of the earth. And I need a new distraction.
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Tags: anti-love, cheater, ex-boyfriend, past relationship, rant
Recent (Former?) Love Interests.
So I don’t one day look back and wonder what the hell happened:
Future rockstar — Although I justify us hooking up last summer with the fact that we had a pretty intense one-week fling before we each went our separate ways for university and had unfinished business, he still cheated on his girlfriend with me. That, and he’s thousands of miles away in London, and we barely even talk now. One hell of a sweet talker tho, not to mention that he’s signed to a music label too.
Illustrator boy — We met about a month ago, a day after my birthday, through mutual friends. He happens to be close to someone that I went to school with, so we know a lot of the same people. We seemed to have had some kind of a connection, talking a lot to each other since the first night we met, and going out of his way to drop me off downstairs of my house first. He even suggested that if I ever went to New York before May, I could crash with him at his loft. However, the 2nd weekend we met up, he was drunk out of his mind and making out with a friend of mine, and I decided to reconsider him. Which I did and realized in the end that if I get jealous seeing him hook up with other chicks, I must still be interested. Especially when this guy can play the guitar, has a nice voice, and is an aspiring illustrator who just recently did a cover for a magazine, comic for a local singer, and redesigned a club! I love myself a guy with ambition. I probably mistook his friendliness for flirtatiousness tho; that, or I was too passive/took too long that he lost interest. Regardless, he removed his “single” status from Facebook the weekend before he left back for NYC and had “i miss my baby” on his msn name. Boo.
Football-playing, Lawyer-in-training — Problem: our “relationship” is really an affair. We have a pretty good connection tho, and we talk somewhat regularly online. He can be warm one second and cold the other, meaning he’d go AWOL on me then message me out of the blue. Sometimes he’s platonic, other times he’d say something suggestive like “I’d prefer watching movies and chilling with you” after I asked if he’s out. His friends keep deliberately making references to him when talking to me, which I shrug off but am secretly happy about. Argh.
Elementary school crush — We haven’t really talked since the summer (or two weeks of that summer, to be precise) except for occasional messages here and there on Facebook. He recently changed his Facebook relationship to “in a relationship” with this girl from his university, and by the looks of it, they were pretty close friends even before. I really thought we’d have an interesting story to tell if we ever got together, since I had the biggest crush on him 14 years ago, but oh well.
Local eye candy — For a while, I was pretty interested and I was told that he’s been talking/asking about me too. But when my friend confronted him, he didn’t deny and just said that he “loves [his] girlfriend very much”. I tried to be the aggressive one and initiating text/msn convos, to which he did reciprocate at first, but started ignoring near the end. Looking back, he’s really not as cute as we thought him out to be. He has shit English anyway, and is a freshman at my university while I’m done after this semester.
B — .. yeah, I’m pretty much over it. I don’t even feel that bad or upset anymore when we go for days without talking these days. Though I’m still bitter about the Hoe and wish that they’d break up. No bitch comes and takes what’s mine hoping that I’d leave them in peace. Still, I miss how close we were and how silly we are with each other. It’s kind of awkward trying to act normal around him even after almost a year, but that’s probably cause I’m putting too much thought into it.
These are the ones I can think of off the top of my head for now.
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Tags: crush, infatuation, love interest, Relationships
Sex and the Internet.
You probably clicked on the title of the this particular post expecting to read something about my sexual experiences on the internet, or something to that extent. Cybersex, blogging online about a real-life sexual experience that I’ve had, whatever it is you had in mind. Hell, you probably even found me through the tags “sex” or “nudity”. But you could not be more wrong. In fact, I aim to write about the opposite.
Frankly, I’m quite disappointed that my most-viewed posts are those that have to do with sexuality – namely my posts about Keyra Agustina (and her practically naked ass) and the one about my personal favorite body part of the female form. Meanwhile, my other comparatively more-substantial entries are forgotten about.
“What, there were words? I only saw the picture of the hot ass, man!”
To the people who have come to this very blog with the intention of reading sexually provocative material aimed towards pleasuring the reader and getting off to it, and those who have been led here by search engines after typing in the words “skankiest underwear” and/or key words of the same sort – here’s a big fuck you.
No, I don’t have a problem expressing myself sexually, nor do I find a problem with telling the story of a particular sexual encounter. What I hate, however, is when people come to this page (or any other page I own) with the wrong intentions. I’m fine with opening up about myself and how I feel, but do not expect to find naked pictures of myself flashing the whole world merely because I talk about my life liberally. I know what you people do – you search for certain words, click on the links hoping to find scandalous pictures, and close the browser window or press “back” when you fail to find any, continuing on your search to find something that appeals to you visually. I’m no bra-burning, man-hating hardcore feminist (don’t get me wrong, I love a cultured man who knows how to treat a woman with respect) but I loathe men who materialize women and reduce them into being mere sexual objects for them to ogle shamelessly at and to hit on. And I’m sorry, but I write for no one except myself. I refuse to give away my dignity and self-respect to be the source of your physical satisfaction.
It really is no wonder that camwhores with even the ugliest faces turn to the internet. As long as they’re naked and posing, they’d feel some sort of false appreciation from the many twisted perverts out there seeking to relieve their “little friends” — voilà, instant attention! What I despise more is when random boys/men mistake me as one of them on networking websites such as Facebook or MySpace, coming onto me with suggestive messages that border on sexual harassment and friend requests with comments of wanting to “be my friend” because of the way I look, even after I’ve written in black and white where they can clearly see that I do not add randoms.
At times, I really hate the internet.
Filed under: Rants | 1 Comment
Tags: blogging, internet, nudity, rant, sex
Love is…
by AellaWind from deviantArt
Love is a game
just meant to be played.
Love is a phrase
just overly clichéd.
It’s dominated by cheaters,
players, and rule-breakers.
Where three words often said
are lies spoken by fakers.
Love is an emotion
and hormones are the cause.
Love is perfection
that brings out your flaws.
Young ones are swayed
into believing that it’s real.
Soon concious of mistakes,
next fear is what you feel.
Love is a wish
desired by so many loners.
Love is a sight
shown off by its owners.
It’s a sad pathetic world
when love is only wanted,
for the sake of having it,
and for it to be flaunted.
Love is a drug,
addictive and strong.
Love is a toy.
and you’re strung along.
The endings are painful,
yet again you will start,
to end with more lies and tears,
and another cruelly broken heart.
Love is a reason
to be treated like dirt.
Love is an excuse,
an excuse to get hurt.
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Tags: cited work, love, poetry
One Tree Hill Makes Me Cry.
Who knew a fictional conversation could hit so close to home.. :(
P: Hey. Think maybe Whitey’ll let you out of practice early so we could catch a movie?
L: What are you doing, Peyton?
P: Just pretending for a second that we’re still 17 and nothing’s changed. Would you believe I actually met a girl who lives vicariously through us? At least us in the book.
L: Sure I do. It’s a great story to be a part of, but.. it also took place a long time ago.
P: Yeah I know. I didn’t come here to rehash the past. I was reminded today in a roundabout way that the most perfect act of love is sacrifice. It’s what Keith did for Karen.. burying all those feelings he had for her all those years so he could be a good friend.. I love you, Lucas. And I think I have since the first moment when we locked eyes. And this is gonna suck. But if what you want is for me to let go, then I’m gonna do it. Be happy, Luke. I want that with all my heart.
- One Tree Hill s05e08
Filed under: Reflections, The Ex | Leave a Comment
Tags: breakup, empathy, love, moving on, One Tree Hill, quote, tv show
Pet Peeve #3
People who use “big” words and don’t know how to spell them properly, or fail to use them in the right context, especially if it’s not that difficult a word to begin with!
How the hell do you act “suttle”, and what the hell is “champaign”? Sorry, illiterate buffoon, but I have to ask – what language do you speak?
p.s. if you haven’t noticed yet, I am kind of a big grammar Nazi.
Filed under: Pet Peeves | 1 Comment
Tags: English language, grammar, illiteracy, spelling
Cheaters.
There are way too many issues that I really want the answers to, but the one that’s been on my mind for the past few months is why people cheat. If a person truly, genuinely loves another, how can they have the heart to cheat and act like nothing ever happened? I think if I ever cheated on someone that I love (admittedly I have cheated on ex-boyfriends before, but they were pretty shallow relationships and I was 14 so I wouldn’t call it ‘love’ in the first place) I would not be able to function normally without feeling like wanting to explode. My guilty conscience would be crying out for me to tell the truth. My heart would literally feel like it’s being ripped apart. I know I would die if I had ever cheated on B, knowing I’ll have to look him in the eye everyday and tell him that I love him.
Just the other night, I went to a party where this guy I hooked up with was there. No big deal. I’ve hung out with him and his guy friends since the incident and we get along fine. The problem that night was that his girlfriend was there as well. I just couldn’t bring myself to look at them, to see how they were all lovey-dovey with each other, her hand in his, right in front of my very eyes. So maybe I have some feelings towards the guy and was feeling slightly jealous – otherwise, I would’ve have let anything happen in the first place – but to see him lie to his girlfriend like that without any slight feelings of awkwardness just killed me. I couldn’t stop thinking about how when I said “you have a girlfriend”, he simply responded with “I don’t care” – and there he was, with his arm around her waist and her hand on his lap like any other blissful couple. The most fucked up part of it is, I’m not the first person he’s cheated on her with -apparently he’s cheated on her around five times or so, which she’s known about (excluding what happened between me and him, of course) but she’s forgiven them all. Basically she believes that he’s “changed for the better”. Naive, naive little girl.
[ Sidenote: funny thing is, the only two friends of his that know about what happened between us wouldn't stop asking us for details, and were telling me to "be aggressive" and fight for him, and that they would help me get him since they don't like his girlfriend anyway. thanks, but no thanks. they were telling me that, for the longest time (okay, maybe around a year or so) WC's told his friends that he's been wanting to get with me, but never had to chance to cause gf was always around. I'll take up an offer for another moment of passion, but I think I'll pass for a relationship. ]
Then there was also this other guy whom I drunkenly made out with about half a year ago. When we sobered up, he asked me how long I was with my ex (that would be B) for. I told him three and a half years, and he curiously asked if I had ever cheated. When I said no, the shocked expression on his face was pretty amusing. In response, I asked him how he could cheat on his girlfriend if he loves her. To this day, his response still haunts me. I believe what he said was “I do love her. But it’s hard, you know? You get bored sometimes.” And this is coming from a guy who’s been seeing his girlfriend for just nine months. Hell, I’m just glad that I’m not dating this guy.
Although I know being the third wheel isn’t any better than being the cheater, but I personally feel that more responsibility lie within the person that is in a relationship, since they have an obligation to be faithful to their partner. Personally, I don’t think as much of cheating with someone since I’m not the one with a boyfriend or girlfriend. It doesn’t matter to me if I hook up with someone because I don’t have any kind of obligation to fulfill. Most people would probably disagree with me, but my policy is that as long as the guy’s girlfriend isn’t someone that I care about or have some sort of positive relationship with, I wouldn’t feel bad. That said, I obviously betray a good friend by making out with their boyfriend, even if I had the biggest crush in the world on them. I also would never cheat on someone that I have a substantial relationship with – like I said, it baffles me how someone could cheat on someone that they claim to truly love.
You may say I hold a double-standard, but I really don’t see how it’s my responsibility (or fault) when a guy decides to cheat on their girlfriend with me. I’m interested, they’re interested, I’m single – that’s all I need to know. Why should I have to worry for their girlfriend’s sake when I don’t really even know them and instead sacrifice my own satisfaction? Plus, with taken guys, I may mentally expect and hope for things to happen, but I would never, never initiate. You can bet that I’ll take the opportunity if it’s offered to me, but I wouldn’t be the one to openly suggest anything. On top of that, I do try and remind them that they do still have a girlfriend (often just to make myself feel slightly more moral), but if they decide to indulge in their lusty desires instead of doing what’s right, then it’s really their problem for having such a poor sense of judgement. It also allows me to see a clearer picture of the guy – if they could cheat on their girlfriend, then they would never be a potential boyfriend candidate in my books. But if they’re gonna cheat on their girlfriend anyway and I’m interested in them, it might as well be with me. Better I find out earlier and benefit from it, instead of finding out later if we somehow get together. When I put it like that, I believe I have a win-win situation.
Filed under: Reflections, Relationships | 2 Comments
Tags: cheaters, cheating, dating, love, Relationships, third wheel
Huppi New Year.
Is it just me, or the older you get, the quicker time seems to fly by?
I still remember winter break 06-07 like it was just a few months ago. It’s tragic, really. At this rate, my life is feeling like it’s passing by my very own eyes at the speed of light, and before I know it, I’ll be 40 and reminiscing on yesteryear like I am now, except I’d probably have kids in my arms and extra baby weight on my middle section. Ack.
I have a feeling that this year is going to be pretty good. It had a fucking great start, and so far it’s been treating me well. I’ve also traveled to a tropical island and got an amazing tan from it, so what’s not to like? The only thing I really miss is having everyone back in the same city, being just a phone call and subway ride away, but there’s always summer.
Oh yeah, over the break, B cheated on his “baby girl” with me (again) and we had this big, ugly confrontation about how I think she’s a skanky hoe – yes, I said it to his face, and damn that felt good – and that he deserves better than that despite the fact that he loves her. On a sidenote, he claimed that he was going to tell her that he cheated on her, cause apparently he “won’t be able to live with it”. And I found out that he has a love/hate relationship with her; he can’t get over the fact that she’s fucked 8 guys, and that she writes shit on her xanga like “it’s my last day of work! I’m going to wear my skankiest underwear to celebrate! :D :D” True story. It’s really not hard to understand why I have zero respect for this girl. I’m also extremely annoyed that she came to visit when I was away and played with my precious hammie since I left him with B so he could take care of him (we bought him together way back in the day). I pray that someday, her plane would crash as it’s landing, or that she would get run over by a bus. I really want her to fall, I really do. I’ve never felt this much hate towards anyone in my life. It’s eating me up from inside, and the last thing I want is for her to be happy. Call me ruthless, call me a bitch, but this is how I truly feel.
Wrath aside, my new year’s resolution is to try and blog more, because after reading a friend’s recent update on her LJ, I’ve realized that I, too, miss reading old entries and having them bring up memories of the past. I don’t want to forget the pieces of my life, and journaling is probably the best way to keep them alive.
We’ll see if I can live up to that.
Filed under: Random, Rants, Reflections, The Ex | Leave a Comment
Tags: blogging, ex-boyfriend, happy new year, new year's resolution, reflection
